No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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