i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
