I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
