you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
