from now on my penis is your penis
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
