i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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