No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
