she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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