I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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