By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
