i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
