Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
