mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
