Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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