8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
