The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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