Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
