Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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