We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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