after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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