just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
