I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
