it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
