just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
