I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
