my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
