This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
