she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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