I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
