Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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