1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
