lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
