Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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