I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
