I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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