I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
