how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
