Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Blood and glitter go together right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
