im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He? As in you personified your dick?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
