I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
