Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
