she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
