you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
