Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
