FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
