She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
