I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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