I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
