Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
