He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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